why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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