This is not my ceiling
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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