the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
