Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
