hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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