He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize