I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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