So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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