I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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