Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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