Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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