dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Enjoy the penises
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
