she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
