Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
