He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
