My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
