hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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