how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
