I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
