NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
