so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
