we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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