I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
