weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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