i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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