so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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