oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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