If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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