I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
