First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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