I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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