last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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