i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
