So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
