i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
