my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
