I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
