you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
