Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
