Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
