I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
