Where are you?
In a non slutty way
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
