Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
