my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
