Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
