4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
