Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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