ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
