he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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