I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
