she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
