I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
