that's an acceptable place to lick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
