he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
