But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
