you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
