what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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