She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
