this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
