I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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