I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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