Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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