and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
