Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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