Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
