So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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