Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
