Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
