the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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