return my video game
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
