I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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