pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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