Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
