its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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