I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
